Published! in Sept '10

I had my essay "Guilt Free Diet" published in the September 2010 issue of CityMasala.  Here is the link.
I have been writing monthly for the magazine but I am happy to have a non-recipe published there.  I feel more like a writer/contributor now.

Wordsmith

For the past three months, my husband has continued to say that our son knows "about 10-15 words," which was the count at 15 months.  I realized that I needed to provide an update; otherwise, my son will be stuck at "about 10-15 words" for years.

Here is what I wrote at 15 months.  Top words : Mama, Uh-oh, Dada, hot-hot-hot, banana-na, off, up, clock (for clock and watches), woof (for not just dog, but any animal), bubble, ball, box and possibly the words "I don't know."  He understands a lot more, such as "No!," which he hears a lot and simple directions such as "pick up that toy" or "turn on the tv." 

Update (at 18 months)

In addition to  1. Mama, 2. Dada, 3. hot, 4. Uh-oh, 5. banana, 6. off, 7. up, 8. clock, 9. woof, 10. bubble, 11. ball, 12. box

13.  clap (claps hands while saying)
14.  ice

15.  baba (for baby and in reference to his younger cousin)

16.  vroom vroom (for car)

17.  beep-beep

18.  night night

19.  No

20.  hat

21.  apple

22.  diaper

23.  wallet

24.  heavy

25.  whoops

26.  Ba (for his maternal grandmother)

27.  his playmate Alex's name

28.  his cousin B's name

29.  his nanny Monica's name

30.  the sentence "I love you"
31.  car
32.  door
33.  brella (for umbrella)
34.  Papa (for his father)
35.  eyes
36.  one-two-three
37.  A-E-I-O-U
38.  book
39.  wawa (for water)
40.  wow
41.  cloud
42.  "lights on"
43.  tree
44.  dance
45.  ear
46.  yes

Raising A Giver, a lesson from my father

I have a special affinity for the Disabled Veterans Association.  Although I respect veterans, this is not the organization my friends might associate with me.  I have my father to thank for this attachment.

When I was seven or eight years old, my father sent in a donation to the DVA on my behalf.  He continued to give small donations to them here and there over several years and always under my name.  I did not know anything about the association nor did I give it much thought.  I did, however, love the address labels with my name that the organization sent me and even the cheap mix of greeting cards that sometimes came in the place of address labels.  I was eight and I just enjoyed receiving mail of any kind.

I don't know why my dad did this.  Perhaps he thought it was a worthwhile charity.  Perhaps he got a "please donate" mailing from them and thought it would be cute to send it in my name.  Perhaps it was to include in his list of charities for tax purposes.  Perhaps he did not put any thought into it.

I don't believe that it was his purpose to teach me a lesson about giving, but that was the unintentional result.  That simple act of sending a few dollars to a randomly chosen charity has made me a giver.  Not only did I become a giver, but also, I gained a passion for giving that stays with me today.  No matter what my salary has been, I have always given a portion of it to various charities.

Over the years I've given to the National Parks Assoc, a women's collective in the state of Gujarat, a girls' school in Andhra Pradesh, the New York Public Library, Operation Santa Claus, Nothing But Net, Doctors Without Borders, March of Dimes, One campaign, Salvation Army, Feed Project, the Girl Scouts (umm, cookies), my alma maters (does that count?), and the many races/marathons/iron mans that my friends have run for charity.  When that didn't seem satisfying enough, I devoted my time.  I was a mentor to an 8 year old, I volunteered at a domestic abuse helpline, I ran various races, I painted playgrounds, I helped out with the NY marathon, I reigned in rude high school kids at Derek Jeter's kids charity (long, hot story!).  Wow, I didn't realize how difficult it would be to recall everything.  My dad deserves all the credit.

As a parent, I struggle with how to pass onto my son the correct morals and beliefs.  How do you teach someone to be a good person?  Whenever it seems overwhelming, I think back to the simple lessons from my father.  I didn't get my beliefs from a lesson plan.  I got them from a role model.

Guilt Free Diet

Two months ago, I drastically changed my diet...for good.  I add the "for good" because I have made the healthy diet pledge before and then gone back to my hamburger-pizza-cupcake eating ways.   This time, I have vowed to stop eating all meat except fish and to attempt to stop all dairy consumption. I say "attempt" for the latter because I have stopped using dairy in the home, but have found it nearly impossible to do so outside the home. Yes, I am not trying hard enough.  Eventually, I will be strong enough to go all the way and stop consuming fish and dairy as well, but for now my main goal remains to relieve years of guilty eating.

I have never wanted to be a vegetarian.  I loved meat.  I ate meat at least once a day.  I dismissed the whole idea of vegetarianism.   Perhaps it is because my mom has cooked such sumptuous chicken curry and juicy Thanksgiving turkey and mouth-watering spaghetti bolognese my entire life.  This is ironic because my mom was a strict vegetarian while growing up in India.  She didn't eat eggs but did drink buffalo milk.  That changed after she married my father at the age of 23.   In the beginning, she was cooking chicken and fish without tasting it, but eventually she succumbed to the omnivore's ways.  It is hard to resist the pull of slow smoked pulled pork.  When my brother and I were in grade school, beef was introduced into the household.  We were full-fledged Americans at that point.   mmm, McDonald's.

I gave up beef when I went away to college.   I had no religious or political or health reasons for doing so.  I just thought it sounded right.   This was not difficult because there were a lot of food choices at our dining hall.  Every week there was an international themed menu, as well as, an odd-looking, crusted vegan bar, which I stayed away from due to its foreign nature.  My anti-beef pledge lasted five years.  A year out of college, I was a barbeque in San Francisco and a friend offered me a bite of his hamburger by waving it in my face.  I replied, "I don't eat beef," so he promptly and respectfully moved the burger away.  However, the smell or look must have have been too much because I said, "I'll take a bite."   Thus, began a two-week beef binge during which I ate burgers, meatloaf, roast beef, and filet mignon nonstop.   I could not believe how much I had missed the taste of beef.  Although I didn't eat it often, it was back on the menu.

If I couldn't eat healthy while living in San Francisco where people linger for hours over meals consisting of alfalfa sprouts and avocados, I certainly was not going to change when I moved to New York City where steakhouses are the favored restaurants.  But, soon after moving to New York City, I read Fast Food Nation and promptly stopped eating beef...for four months.  We all know that the cattle industry is doing disgusting things and it certainly smacks you right int he face when you read about it, but then we return to our normal lives and avert our eyes.

Fast forward through many years of meat consumption to my now husband's and my gluttonous engagement trip to Australia.  We did not and could not control ourselves from indulging in Barramundi, John Dory, fresh grass-fed beef, even kangaroo meat (as despicable as that made me feel). We returned home and vowed to get fit for the wedding.  That led to us drawing up a "DON'T" list of foods, including beef, poultry, pork, pasta, bread, rice, potatoes, and desserts.  Needless to say, we were fit and trim for our wedding thanks to this low-carb and fish and veggie friendly diet.  That lasted about two days into our honeymoon.  I came back ten pounds heavier and a back on the meat bandwagon.

About three months ago, both my husband and I read Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer.  It was eye-opening and emotional in a way previous books on the topic had not been.  The author mentions that he faced the reality of his diet when he was expecting his first child and that is what hit home with me.  I spend and inordinate amount of effort and hours every week in providing my son a  remarkable healthy diet for a 17 month old.  His weekly diet consists of quinoa, barley, brown rice, lentils, mung beans, every bean you can imagine, and steamed vegetables.  I do not even use seasonings apart from low sodium vegetable broth once in a while.  One mother came up to us as I was feeding him quinoa, zucchini, and avocado and stared in disbelief.  The kid made a yucky face when I tried to give him chocolate milk once. He spit out a french fry the one time I tried that.  If it's possible for me to raise a healthy eater, it is certainly possible for me to be a healthy eater.

Even with my recent diet changes, my goal was not to become a vegetarian or vegan although the slow changes I've been making do seem to be leading me to that enlightened path.  The practices of factory farming are horrific for the animals and unhealthy for us consumers.  I cannot live with such unconscionable guilt.  When I look at my son, I see that I do care about what we are putting in our mouths.  Not only do I care about eating well, I know how to eat well. 

I can do with a little less guilt in my life.

July Recipe

I recycled my Chicken Curry post (the original recipe ...for the Indian Mother's Soul).  I have to admit here that the photo does not correspond to the recipe. I had photos of the real dish but those were on my parents' camera and I had a deadline to meet.  Check out the July link below.

http://www.citymasala.com/July2010/ChickenCurryRecipe.pdf

Milestone: 15 months

We're just a week away from 16 months so I wanted to jot down notes from now.

Now, that N has become a proficient walker, he's moved on to babbling non stop.  Top words : Mama, Uh-oh, Dada, hot-hot-hot, banana-na, off, up, clock (for clock and watches), woof (for not just dog, but any animal), bubble, ball, box and possibly the words "I don't know."  He understands a lot more, such as "No!," which he hears a lot and simple directions such as "pick up that toy" or "turn on the tv."

He's learning to get us to do what he wants by grabbing our finger and dragging us over to the kitchen windows or counter (for example) and saying "up" to get up and explore.   He'll run to me crying, grab my hand, and make me go where he wants.  It's a great life when everyone does what you want!

He loves to laugh and make us laugh.  He walks and jumps around on the bed.  Then, he likes to throw his head back and fall backwards so that one of us catches him.  This is a fun "game" to him.

His favorite TV shows:  Yo Gabba Gabba and Blue's Clues.  That's all we allow although we'll throw in Sesame Street or Thomas the Train to mix it up once in a while.  He shouldn't watch any TV at all; however, you do whatever it takes to get him to eat.

He's following a mostly vegetarian diet.  He hasn't taken to the texture of meat, which is fine with me because he is eating incredibly healthy by avoiding meat.  He eats tofu, quinoa, barley, wild rice, brown rice, couscous and adds in mung beans, all green vegetables and assorted other vegetables, fruits (bananas, mangos, watermelon, oranges, apples) to complete a healthy meal.  We were at a birthday party last week and one mother came up to me amazed that I was feeding him quinoa and avocado while the older kids ate their pizza.   She was further incredulous that I don't season it with artificial flavors or spices to make it more enticing.

Maachli for the Indian Mother’s Soul

Check out CityMasala.com for the May 2010 magazine issue with my Maachli recipe.

Fish, or maachali in Hindi, has long been considered “brain food.” What desi doesn’t want to be smart?? Fish is low in fat, high in protein, and full of omega 3 fatty acids that help reduce the risk of heart disease and lower cholesterol. Fish is popular in many Indian cuisines, especially in Goa, Assam, Kerala and Bengal. My family mostly ate chicken when I was growing up, but in the last couple of years I have witnessed the health benefits of what even some vegetarians call the “fruit of the sea.” During our pre-wedding diet, my husband and I abstained from meat and ate only fish and veggies. Not only did we trim down in time for the wedding, but we also had increased energy, both physical and mental. When I was pregnant, I once again embraced the benefits of fish and omega 3 for proper development of my baby’s brain and nerves. Fish has become a mainstay in my family’s diet.

This recipe version is for the mild tasting haddock, but good substitutes are cod, tilapia, flounder, or catfish. These are all low-mercury fish. Gujaratis often top fried fish with a tomato sauce, so I’ve included the preparation for a simple sauce. Serve the dish hot over basmati or brown rice and eat with fresh steamed vegetables of your choosing for a filling meal.

Ingredients

For Fried Fish:

• 1 1/2 lb haddock fish fillets
• 1 tsp garlic paste
• 1 tsp ginger paste
• 1/2 tsp ground turmeric
• 1 tsp red chili powder
• 1 tsp ground coriander
  
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• 1/2 tsp salt
• vegetable oil for frying

For Tomato Sauce:

• vegetable oil for frying
• 1 tsp mustard seeds
• 1 chopped onion
• 1 cup tomato puree (or use a 14 oz can)
• 1/2 tsp ginger paste
  
• 1/2 tsp garam masala
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp pepper
• chopped fresh coriander for garnish

Preparation

1. Wash the fish fillets in cold water and dry on paper towel.
2. Combine the garlic, ginger, ground turmeric, chilli powder, ground coriander, ground cumin, lemon juice, and salt in a medium bowl.
3. Brush the spice mix onto both sides of each fillet and marinate in the refrigerator for 2 hours to allow the flavors to penetrate.
   
4. Heat 2 tbsp of oil in a medium frying pan.
5. Fry the fish fillets, about 5 minutes on each side, and set aside.
6. Heat some more oil in a pan.
7. When hot, add mustard seeds.
8. When seeds crackle, add onions and saute for 1-2 minutes.
9. Pour in the tomato puree and cook for three minutes.
10. Add ginger, garam masala, salt and pepper according to taste.  Turn off heat.
11. Pour the sauce over the fish.  Garnish with chopped coriander.

Published! in Khabar Magazine

I am happy to report that my latest published article is available in the May 2010 issue of Khabar Magazine (circulation 27,000 + online), a monthly magazine for the Indian community in Georgia and surrounding areas.
 Click here for the online article.

I wrote this article as a Mother's Day gift for my mom.  I re-purposed  an old business school essay and re-wrote it before submitting.  The magazine edited it, also.  My only gripe is that one of the magazine edits changed the meaning of an event from my mom's story.  Otherwise, I was very happy that the edits sharpened my essay.  The magazine version includes a photo of my mom and me taken in 2003 at my cousin's wedding in England.  I can't wait to get my print copy so I can give it to my mom.

From Life to Death

Three nights ago, I was reminded that life and death are just moments apart.  My aunt succumbed to breast cancer just three nights ago.  She wasn't a related aunt, but rather a good family friend of my parents' whom I have known since my parents moved to New Jersey a decade ago.  And a decade ago was exactly when Aunty learned of her first cancer diagnosis. 

She was in her mid-forties then and her younger child was ten years old.  She underwent chemo and switched to a holistic diet, one that all those Indian gurus preach about on Zee TV.  In the midst of her treatment, her hair fell out and she wore a floppy hat to cover her bare head.  That is around the time that I met her.  I liked the family - Aunty, Uncle and their son.  They were genuine and kind people albeit a bit FOBish.  I stress genuine because a lot of the Indian Jersey crowd is not so genuine.  A lot are fake and quite judgmental.  But, I liked this family immediately and I consider myself finely attuned to the fake factor since I did not grow up surrounded by it.

I saw them here and there over the years.  They were always very supportive of my parents and showed up to my engagement party and wedding, as well as, those of of my brother.  They seemed slightly outcast from the Indian community.  I'm not sure why that is.  They had an estranged daughter that I knew a little about.  I know she had joined the military at 18 and left home.  She ended up in Hawaii where she married her boyfriend while already pregnant.  I do not believe Uncle or Aunty had met their grandchild.  I do not pretend to know what happens in a family behind closed doors but I know that the family did not have much money and did not exhibit that "cool" factor.  Perhaps the daughter needed to get away from New Jersey.  I hope she found her peace.

Aunty fought the cancer and recovered.  My mom saw her three or four years ago at the Indian picnic in Menlo Park and Aunty's thick, black hair had grown to her waist.  She thrived.  She was a cancer survivor.  Strong and proud.

About two years ago, the cancer came back.  It came back more aggressively and vigorously than before.  There was no fighting it this time.  It had spread too quickly.

A year ago, my son was born and I went to visit my parents when he was one month old.  My parents called four or five family friends to come visit the baby that weekend.  Aunty and Uncle showed up the next day and they brought him a gift despite the short notice.  My son was sleeping most of the time but they stayed to catch a few glimpses of his awake time.  None of the other friends came to visit that weekend.   That was the last time I saw Aunty and I remember thinking how nice it was of them to stop by and spend the day and once again show how genuine and kind they were.

Three weeks ago, Aunty was fine.  She was happy and seemingly healthy when my parents saw her then. Three weeks.  Her throat constricted and she was unable to eat within a week.  She became weak and achy.  She lost her ability to speak.  The glare from the lights hurt so much that Uncle taped over her eyes to keep them shut.  She was bedridden and remained at home, occasionally visited by a hospice worker.  A hospital seemed senseless because the family was just awaiting her death at that point.  Her throat constricted even more and she was unable to drink any water.  Slow and painful.  Cancer is cruel.

Three nights ago, my mother visited and Aunty hadn't had water for three days.  She was able to communicate only with her hands.  My mom arrived at  4PM, left at 7PM, and Aunty passed away at 11PM.  Three weeks from life to death.

Smells Like Team Spirit

I am officially part of the team at City Masala Magazine!  As I mentioned before, this is great resume filler and good for my query letters when I'm submitting my writing...and kinda cool.

My bio on the site:

Alpa is a mother, wife, Indian-American, and travel enthusiast.  Those four aspects of her life greatly influence her aspiring writing career from articles and essays to short stories and children's books.  Born in New Jersey, she has lived in seven U.S. states and traveled to six continents and twenty-five countries.  In addition to this nomadic lifestyle, she draws inspiration from her heritage from Gujarat, India, and her passion for exploring different locales and customs.  She studied economics at Brown University and business at Columbia University.  She thanks her parents for encouraging her along the non-traditional paths of life and CityMasala for promoting interest in the South Asian culture.

Published! (in Apr '10)

My monthly gig is in full swing and my Upma recipe was published this month.  This one again comes from a past blog.  I wrote more in the story and description this time; thus, my 'recipe corner' warranted a full page in the magazine.  ha!  Beginning next month, I'll be submitting new recipes.

Brevity, Wit, and the Birthplace of William Shakespeare

I visited England for the first time in the summer of 1997.  I was changing jobs, moving from CT to San Francisco, and thus, free for a three week vacation with my parents to visit our relatives near Birmingham.

About an hour from my my mom's eldest sister and family is Stratford-upon-Avon, famous for being the birthplace of William Shakespeare. The "Shakespearience" is a trip back to sixteenth-century Tudor England with a visit to the house on Henley Street where Shakespeare was born and the Holy Trinity Church where he married Anne Hathaway.  In the recreated village, many of Shakespeare's fictional characters stroll through the house and grounds and act out beloved scenes.  Although touristy, the experience gives insight into what life was like when the famous bard was a child.  I hope to go back someday with my family.
 

I did not fully appreciate the influence of Shakespeare when I visited.  I'd struggled through a few plays in high school, such as Romeo and Juliet and Macbeth.  Shakespeare is not easy! I'd watched a few movie versions, such as Hamlet and Roman Polanski's interpretation of Macbeth (umm, nude Lady Macbeth?).  But, since the days of high school, I've gained a high regard for not only Shakespeare's high brow wit and still relevant prose, but also, the profundity of his impact on people of all walks of life. Who hasn't quoted a line from Shakespeare, whether knowingly or unknowingly?  The man affected theater, literature, and the English language.  Not to mention his influence on novelists and poets and movie scripts.  The extent of his genius is admirable, especially to an aspiring writer.

FYI...My college friend W schooled me on the grammar rule regarding quotation marks adjacent to periods and commas:

• American style:  commas and periods are almost always placed inside closing quotation marks.
• British style:  include within quotation marks punctuation marks that appeared in the quoted material, but otherwise to place punctuation outside the closing quotation marks.

Below I've selected some of  Shakespeare's  best-loved quotes.

Sonnet 18
"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date".

Hamlet
To be, or not to be: that is the question". - (Act III, Scene I).
"Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry". - (Act I, Scene III).
"This above all: to thine own self be true". - (Act I, Scene III).
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks". - (Act III, Scene II).
"A little more than kin, and less than kind". - (Act I, Scene II).
"Brevity is the soul of wit". - (Act II, Scene II).

As You Like It
"All the world 's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts" - (Act II, Scene VII).
"Can one desire too much of a good thing?" - (Act IV, Scene I).
"How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes!" - (Act V, Scene II).
"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool". - (Act V, Scene I).

King Richard III
"Now is the winter of our discontent". - (Act I, Scene I).
"A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse!" - (Act V, Scene IV).
"Conscience is but a word that cowards use, devised at first to keep the strong in awe". - (Act V, Scene III).
"So wise so young, they say, do never live long". - (Act III, Scene I).
"Off with his head!" - (Act III, Scene IV).

Romeo and Juliet
"O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?" - (Act II, Scene II).
"It is the east, and Juliet is the sun". - (Act II, Scene II).
"Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow." - (Act II, Scene II).
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet". - (Act II, Scene II).
"O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!" - (Act II, Scene II).

The Merchant of Venice
"But love is blind, and lovers cannot see".
"If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?" - (Act III, Scene I).

The Merry Wives of Windsor
"Why, then the world 's mine oyster" - (Act II, Scene II).
"This is the short and the long of it". - (Act II, Scene II).

Measure for Measure
"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt". - (Act I, Scene IV).
"Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall". - (Act II, Scene I).
"The miserable have no other medicine but only hope". - (Act III, Scene I).

King Henry IV, Part I
"He will give the devil his due". - (Act I, Scene II).
"The better part of valour is discretion". - (Act V, Scene IV).

King Henry IV, Part II
"He hath eaten me out of house and home". - (Act II, Scene I).

King Henry IV, Part III
"The smallest worm will turn, being trodden on". - (Act II, Scene II).

King Henry the Sixth, Part I
"Delays have dangerous ends". - (Act III, Scene II).
"Of all base passions, fear is the most accursed". - (Act V, Scene II).

King Henry the Sixth, Part II
"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers". - (Act IV, Scene II).

King Henry the Sixth, Part III
"Having nothing, nothing can he lose".- (Act III, Scene III).

Timon of Athens
"We have seen better days". - (Act IV, Scene II).

 Julius Caesar
"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him". - (Act III, Scene II).
"But, for my own part, it was Greek to me". - (Act I, Scene II).
"Et tu, Brute!" - (Act III, Scene I).

Macbeth
"There 's daggers in men's smiles". - (Act II, Scene III).
"what 's done is done".- (Act III, Scene II).
"I dare do all that may become a man; Who dares do more is none". - (Act I, Scene VII).
"Fair is foul, and foul is fair". - (Act I, Scene I).
"I bear a charmed life". - (Act V, Scene VIII).
"Yet do I fear thy nature; It is too full o' the milk of human kindness." - (Act I, Scene V).
"Will all great Neptune's ocean wash this blood clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine, making the green one red" - (Act II, Scene II).
"Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble." - (Act IV, Scene I).
"Out, damned spot! out, I say!" - (Act V, Scene I)..
"All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand." - (Act V, Scene I).
"Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under 't." - (Act I, Scene V).
"Is this a dagger which I see before me, The handle toward my hand?" - (Act II, Scene I).
"Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." - (Act V, Scene V).

King Lear
"My love's more richer than my tongue". - (Act I, Scene I).
"Nothing will come of nothing." - (Act I, Scene I).
"Have more than thou showest, speak less than thou knowest, lend less than thou owest". - (Act I, Scene IV).

Othello
"‘T’is neither here nor there." - (Act IV, Scene III).
"The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief". - (Act I, Scene III).

Antony and Cleopatra
"My salad days, when I was green in judgment." - (Act I, Scene V).

Cymbeline
"The game is up." - (Act III, Scene III).

Twelfth Night
"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them". - (Act II, Scene V).
"Love sought is good, but giv'n unsought is better" . - (Act III, Scene I).

The Tempest
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on, rounded with a little sleep".

King Henry the Fifth
"Men of few words are the best men". - (Act III, Scene II).

A Midsummer Night's Dream
"The course of true love never did run smooth". - (Act I, Scene I).

Much Ado About Nothing
"Everyone can master a grief but he that has it". - (Act III, Scene II).

Titus Andronicus
"These words are razors to my wounded heart". - (Act I, Scene I).

 Taming of the Shrew
"Out of the jaws of death". - (Act III, Scene IV).

Postcard: Washington D.C.

I've been to Washington D.C. maybe eight or nine times.  Wow, I had no idea I have gone there that many times!  The first trip, the one I don't recall, was with my family when I was a toddler.  I went with my classmates when my junior high school made a big D.C. trip in the 8th grade. That was an exciting trip because it was with friends and no family!  I went many times over the years to visit college friends who were living there.  One of my college friends grew up there and hosted me during a job interview weekend and two other friends are diplomats for the State Dept and travel in and out of D.C. fairly frequently.  The last two times, I went with my husband pre-baby.  The photos in this blog are from our 4th of July trip in 2007.

There is a lot to see in D.C. and most of the sites are free.  I have visited the landmarks (Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument, Jefferson Memorial, Memorial Bridge, Vietnam Veterans Memorial, WWII Memorial, Korean War Veterans Memorial).  I have seen government buildings - the White House, U.S. Treasury Department, U.S. Capitol Building. I have walked around the National Zoo and the Arlington Cemetery.  I have hung out in Georgetown and Dupont Circle.  I have eaten great Ethiopian food and Korean food.  I teared up at the Holocaust Museum and laughed through the International Spy Museum.  I have gazed at the cherry blossoms in the spring.  I have been frustrated and baffled by the road grid and traffic circles.

What strikes me the most about D.C. is the awe that you feel when walking downtown or driving around the beltway.  It is always breathtaking to me to see the Washington Monument or the tops of the Jefferson and Lincoln Memorials from no matter where you are downtown.  No matter what your feelings toward those in office, you can't help but be amazed by the history and the formation of this country.  I would not want to live here (the driving!!), but I love to visit again and again.

 U.S. Treasury Department

 White House North Lawn

 White House South Lawn

 Washington Monument

 Washington Monument as seen from the Lincoln Memorial

 Lincoln Monument

 Lincoln's Gettysburg Address

 Vietnam Veterans Memorial

 WWII Memorial

 Lincoln Memorial

 Korean War Veterans Memorial

 Walking over the Arlington Memorial Bridge

 Arlington Cemetery

 tombs of JFK and Jackie Kennedy

 Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

Matchbook Memories

When I visited my parents last week, I went digging through the basement boxes to see what treasure I could find.  Last time, I found my skydiving photos.  This time, I found my collection of matchbooks that I had accumulated from every cool restaurant, bar or site I visited during the time after college when I lived in Stamford, CT to the time I lived in San Francisco.  I stopped collecting matchbooks because a) I'm not a smoker and b) the tin box where I kept them became full.  It's too bad that I stopped because sifting through the matchbooks brought forth many memories.  

There was the cafe we (including Peony) stopped at on New Year's Eve 1995/6 (Yaffa Cafe), the belly dancing restaurant in SF (Kan Zaman), the last motel my parents owned (Arbor Inn), the comedy club I visited with Dana, Mark and Kate in Milwaukee (Comedy Cafe), the restaurant in Memphis with Susan (P.F. Chang's), the bar in Miami with Susan (Cafe Tu Tu Tango), the club in LA with Ann (Viper Room), and many many more.  I wish I had kept up the collection because I'd forgotten most of these places and it was nice to receive a memory jolt.

in Massachusetts
Christopher's (Cambridge)
Stars on Higham Harbor (Hingham)
Sunset Motel  (Lee)
Arbor Inn Motor Lodge (Weymouth)

in Rhode Island
The 108 House (Wakefield)

in Milwaukee
Comedy Cafe

in Connecticut
Bank Street Brewing Co. (Stamford)
Le Figaro Bistro de Paris (Greenwich)
Sakura (Westport)
Telluride (Stamford)
Violets Dinner Club (Stamford)

in Tennessee
P.F. Chang's (Memphis)

 in Florida
Cafe Tu Tu Tango (Coconut Grove)

 in Las Vegas
Bellagio
Caesars
Mirage
New York New York

 in California
Brix Restaurant & Market (Yountville, Napa Valley)
Caribbean Zone (San Francisco)
Casa de Bandini (Old Town San Diego)
The Viper Room (Hollywood)
Jazz at Pearl's (Oakland)
Kan Zaman (San Francisco)
Murrays (San Francisco)
Eleven Restaurant + Bar (San Francisco)
Vertigo Restaurant & Bar (San Francisco)

 in London
Hard Rock Cafe


 in New York City
420 Bar & Lounge
Louisiana Community Bar & Grill
Planet Sushi
Yaffa Cafe
Ruby Foo's
Trattoria Trecolori
Webster Hall

A Birthday Fairy Tale

 This was a birthday card that my brother gave me years ago when I was in my late 20s.

On the inside:

That night, the princess had frog legs for dinner.

Milestone: 13 Months

N turned one last month and we welcomed the milestone with no less than three birthday parties (and yes, he wore the same "birthday boy" onesie each time).  Here is the announcement I sent to our relatives who did not make it to the celebrations.  All of these photos were taken in February.

Now 13 months, N has really hit is stride.

• He took his first step at 10 months and the week after his first birthday, he began walking proficiently, which means he walks room to room now as opposed to 7-8 steps from object to object. 

• At the moment, his favorite constantly repeated word is "uh-oh."  He throws a toy on the floor and "uh-oh."  This has pointed out to me how much I say that expression.  He has cut back on saying "mama," which was the word of the moment at 10 months.

• He was eating everything we gave him and now he's become a picky eater.  His favorites - peas, green beans, broccoli, avocado, zucchini pancakes, and spinach pancakes.  The kid loves quinoa! If we distract him, we can force down some chicken or turkey, bologna, lentils.  He's rebelling against yogurt, carrots, fruits.  His once favorite bananas are now disgusting to him.  He will not take juice (good) and we're slowly getting him on board with whole milk.  I should be happy he likes vegetables.  

• He's a very happy kid.  The people in our apt building love him.  When one of our neighbors saw him walking down the hallway, she said, "I heard he was walking.  Everyone's talking about it."  Living in a co-op gives you a small town feel.  Of course, it means we can't just come into our building and go to our apt without stopping to chat with the doorman or whoever is sitting in the lobby lounge.

• The naps are much better these days.  He tends to get an hour for both naps -- a vast improvement.  He's still sleeping through the night, about 11 hours.

• He is non-stop active.  He opens and closes drawers.  He rifles through kitchen cabinets.  He turns the light switch on and off.  He puts objects into bowls.  He stacks objects.  He sits in his toddler chair.  He can open the trash can lid.  He climbs stairs.  He climbs onto the couch and knows to get off  "feet first."  He puts toys and objects back on the shelves after he takes them down.  He's learning!

Teaching Kids to Tell the Truth

Studies have shown that the story "George Washington and the Cherry Tree" is far more effective at teaching kids to tell the truth than "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" (Bronson and Merryman, NurtureShock).  Here is the story to tell your kids.

The Cherry Tree

By: Mason Locke Weems

When George Washington was about six years old, he was made the wealthy master of a hatchet of which, like most little boys, he was extremely fond. He went about chopping everything that came his way.

One day, as he wandered about the garden amusing himself by hacking his mother's pea- sticks, he found a beautiful, young English cherry tree, of which his father was most proud. He tried the edge of his hatchet on the trunk of the tree and barked it so that it died.

Some time after this, his father discovered what had happened to his favorite tree. He came into the house in great anger, and demanded to know who the mischievous person was who had cut away the bark. Nobody could tell him anything about it.

Just then George, with his little hatchet, came into the room.

"George," said his father, "do you know who has killed my beautiful little cherry tree yonder in the garden? I would not have taken five guineas for it!"

This was a hard question to answer, and for a moment George was staggered by it, but quickly recovering himself he cried: --

"I cannot tell a lie, father, you know I cannot tell a lie! I did cut it with my little hatchet."

The anger died out of his father's face, and taking the boy tenderly in his arms, he said: --

"My son, that you should not be afraid to tell the truth is more to me than a thousand trees! yes, though they were blossomed with silver and had leaves of the purest gold!"

Uniform Change

Today is the 35th anniversary of International Women's Day!  In honor of this day, I will share an anecdote involving my parents.

 

My first voyage to India was when I was seven years old.  I made the trip with my family and spent most of the time with my paternal grandparents in their small village called Bodali.   I visited Bombay (now Mumbai) for a few days, but mostly I was in Bodali.  I have vivid memories of that place and time.  I remember that in honor of our visit, a friend of my grandparents sent a live chicken to cook for our evening dinner.  I remember a couple of neighborhood boys gave my brother and me hand-carved wooden sling shots.  I remember heating the milk every morning and storing it in the cabinet to use during the day because there was no refrigerator.  I remember watching the maid milk the buffalo...and the buffalo droppings all along the dirt road that runs through town.  I remember my grandmother cooking over an open fire pit in the backyard.  I remember my father brushing his teeth with what looked to be a twig from a tree.  I remember trekking to my grandfather's fields and gnawing on fresh sugar cane right then and there.  I remember pomegranate fruit, Thums Up soda, well water, and mangoes.  These memories are made all the more special because I would not return to India for another 25 years.  

When I was 32, I traveled with my mom, again to Bodali to visit my paternal grandmother and again to Mumbai to visit my uncle and family.  Aside from the moving inner spiritual experience, what struck me about India this time was the contrast between the poor village and the big city.  The first time around Bombay was slightly more advanced than the village.  This time, Mumbai reflected what I thought a city should be and Bodali didn't seem very different from 25 years ago.  True, many people (not all) had TVs now and many people (not all) had Western bathrooms.  But, life was pretty much the same.

The first time I went, it was an eight hour journey from the Bombay Airport to Bodali.  It was a four hour car ride the second time around, thanks to a more efficient highway system.  In the U.S., it would likely be a three hour drive because although a lot of the trip was on paved highways, the last hour was still on a one lane dirt road.  The kind of road that if a farmer is going by with a buffalo, then you pull over and wait.  It is a long way from the small villages to the towns and cities.  A long way.

During our time there, my mom told me that she and my father keep a bank account in the Bodali bank (which was once founded and managed by my grandfather).  Every year the local elementary school for boys and girls in grades 1st to 7th withdraws funds from my parents' account to buy its students new uniforms for the school year.  This was the elementary school my father attended along with his older brother and younger sister when he was growing up. 

I thought it was admirable that my parents gave back to our little known family village in India.  I admit, though, that I was a little unimpressed that we gave uniforms.  I'm part of the generation that "thinks big" - give a car, get the latest and newest textbooks, order computers.  What good will a uniform do?  

These memories of India and my parents' effort to give back have been on my mind as I read the book Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide by Pulitzer Prize winners Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn.  This is an inspirational book about unlocking the potential of women in many 3rd world countries, such as India, where women's roles have been traditionally minimized.  There are numerous lessons in this book, but I will mention the one that struck a chord with me because it showed me how important it is to target small communities like Bodali and how valuable it is to "think small" sometimes.

Education is the key to increasing the role of girls and women.  Easier said than done because girls drop out when their families do not have money to pay for the schooling or when they are married off early and get pregnant.  Keeping girls in school leads them to earn income and support their countries' economies; thus helping to tackle global poverty.  Educating women means less early age marriage and pregnancies; thus helping to lower the world's birthrates.    

How can we help?  One way, a Kenyan study found that giving girls a new $6 school uniform every 18 months significantly reduced dropout rates and pregnancy rates.

As usual, I have a lot to learn from my parents.

Published! (in Mar '10)

I'm excited to have a story from my Indian Mother's Soul series published in the March 2010 print issue of City Masala magazine (circulation about 15,000, based in Tampa, FL).  Here is an online link to page 24 and below is a screen shot of the page with my story, recipe, and photo of the dish.

I like the typeface and font. They faded the photo edges, which looks great.  Also, they italicized Sheero and the other Indian words - another good idea that I will keep in mind.  I'm glad they kept my title because now I can submit my other recipes to them and have it tie together as an"Indian Mother's Soul" regular column.  Hey, there's something for my query letter when I submit my writing and for my resume when I look for jobs.  I know it's bit dubious, but it counts.

Part of my Project Write On resolution was to work on essays/articles/short stories/features to submit to magazines and such for publication.  Step 1.  Now, I need to get back to my children's books.

Intro to Sleep

When interviewing for jobs in my senior year of college, I had carefully rehearsed my answers.  If asked about my favorite class at Brown, I'd respond with one of my senior level Economics courses in which I'd earned an "A."  When I was interviewing with Andersen Consulting, I slipped.  I got into a casual conversation and answered "my Sleep seminar."  The interviewer, a Brown alum, looked at me puzzled and asked, "Sleep Psychology?"  Realizing my faux-pas, I swallowed and said, "Right, it's a Psych course."  Thus, ended that interview.

That's how I realized what my real favorite class was.  Psych 55: Introduction to Sleep taught by Professor Carskadon rocked!  It was a three hour seminar on Mondays from 3-6PM.  The time slot was brutal.  If anyone was caught dozing off, the professor would call on them...by name...in a 200+ person class.  Aside from our naps, her pet peeve was when we pronounced REM sleep as R.E.M. sleep.  We were an alt-rock school and it was difficult to break us of this habit.  But, the class was fascinating.  It gave an overview of sleep from regulation to physiology to disorders. 

Little did I realize that Intro to Sleep was only the start of my sleep education.

Getting Little N on a sleep schedule was the bane of my existence for the first 9 months of his life.  I read no less than five books on baby sleep, including Ferber's book and the popular with parents "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child."  It has been a torturous process and nothing worries me more than making sure he has good sleep habits from early on.

To that end, I just read "Nurtureshock: New Thinking About Children."  Chapter 2 "The Lost Hour" details the importance of sleep in children.  The science in it is solid.  Quoting the research of several Brown staff members, including Dr. Mary Carskadon, it concluded, what I've preached for some time, that sleep is crucial to a child's maturation and can even alter brain development.  [FYI...I had no idea that Brown is a leader in sleep research.  So glad I took that Sleep class!]

The authors cite the main issue: children are averaging an hour less sleep at night than children 30 years ago.  This loss reduces academic performance, affects emotional stability, and increases the risk of conditions such as obesity and ADHD.  Unlike adults, children cannot "catch-up" on sleep.

Key Points:

• A sleep deprivation study on a group of  sixth graders showed that missing one hour of sleep a night caused them to perform in class at the level of a fourth grader.  
• The more a child learns during the day, the more sleep is required to consolidate the memories associated with the information learned.
• Children who are sleep deprived are less able to recall pleasant memories 
• Lack of sleep increases the hormone that signals hunger and reduce the hormone that suppresses appetite.
• Teenagers undergo “phase shift” in their circadian rhythms which keeps them up 90 minutes later.  Teenagers are still producing melatonin when they wake up for school and are prone to falling back to sleep, usually in school.  This early schedule affects their grades and SAT scores. In fact, it is believed that the lack of sleep is also related to  “moodiness."
• Only 5% of high school seniors get 8 hours of sleep at night.
• The typical "A" student averaged 15 more minutes of sleep than a "B" student and so forth.  
• Teens in Minnesota showed dramatic increases in SAT scores (+56 points in Math, +156 points in Verbal) when their high school changed the school start time  from 7:25AM to 8:30AM.

Fiction Writing and Gujarati Proverbs

Thanks to my finely honed Internet surfing skills, I found a Desi fiction contest at a Bay Area magazine called India Currents.  In two weeks, I've written (and re-written and edited) a 2000 word story, which will be ready to submit by the March 20th deadline.  Just a few more edits to go and I will be ready.  It is excruciatingly difficult to relinquish the editing process.  You could edit and edit forever.

Short Story Synopsis:  A woman reflects on her life, moving from India to the U.S. after getting married.  Her life takes a drastic turn from the life of privilege she had expected.  Despite the unexpected course, she persevered and worked hard to give her family a better life.  Her husband passed away and now she has an estranged relationship with her son.

In doing research for the story, I found these terrific Gujarati proverbs.

Bhens aagal bhaagvat

• Literal: Reading Bhagvat Geeta to a buffalo (is a waste)
• Tailor your speech to your audience.

Chapti dhul ni jaroor pad

• Interpretation 1-Sometimes only a pinch of sand is all you need.
• Interpretation 2-Sometimes you do need a pinch of sand, too.
• Even insignifcant people have their importance at times.

Khakhra ni Khiskoli Sakar no swaad su jaane

• Literal: A squirel who eats dried chapatis would not know the taste of sugar.
• Good things in life cannot be appreciated by someone who has never experienced the good things. 

Laxmi chaandlo karva aave tyaarey mo dhova na javay

• Literal: When the goddess of wealth comes to give you a blessing, you should not go to wash your face.
• When opportunity knocks on one's door, one should grab it.

Mor na inda chitarva na pade

• Literal: You don't have to go and paint the eggs of peacocks.
• It suggests that great art,culture,skills comes in blood.  As peacock is beautiful, so are its eggs, you need not to paint them separately to make them beautiful.

 Na maamo karta kano maamo saaro

• Literal: Having an uncle with one eye is better than having no uncle.
• Something is better than nothing.

Jhajha hath ra Liyama Na

• Literal: Unity is strength.
• More the merrier

Date Night

My husband B. and I met in fall of 2006.  We had our first date in NYC at the Flatiron Lounge on October 20, 2006 to be exact.  Since then, we've had lots of great dates and adventures.  Here's a look at some of the best.

The first movie we saw together was the James Bond film Casino Royale at the Union Square cineplex.  An hour and a half in, the movie reel disintegrated.  After a failed attempt to get it going again, the staff announced that we would receive free movie coupons to return at a later date.  After worming our way through the mob scene to grab two tickets, we dashed down to the second floor to catch an screening of  Casino Royale that was running about 40 minutes behind the movie we just left.   Great movie!  And we have yet to use those free movie tickets. 

The second movie stub was from a viewing of The Natural at the Tribeca Film Festival.  I won the tickets courtesy of my job at ESPN and there was a special Q&A session afterward with director Barry Levinson by ESPN personality Jeremy Schaap.  It was a long, torturous interview session and Schaap should stick to his day job.  Fun fact, my last office at ESPN was next door to Jeremy Schaap's office.  

Below are the playbills to three shows we saw the summer before Little N came along.  First, we saw Avenue Q, which was pretty raunchy for a Muppet themed show.  Next, we saw In The Heights, which was amazing, and then Wicked, an electrifying production.

The first time either of us went to Carnegie Hall was for this Jazz concert featuring our good friend Thierry Arpino on drums.  Thierry's wife is one of my closest friends from b-school.  The group was so-called after Jean-Luc Ponty, the master violinist and musician who began the group.

We've gone to many sporting events and here are ticket stubs to our first Yankees game, a Red Sox game, and the U.S. Open.  We attended the 2008 Super Bowl but since my Patriots lost, I'm not including that ticket.

We're bigger sports fans than music fans but we have gone to a few concerts.  B's college friend's brother is in
 Gogol Bordello, a show we saw in WIlliamsburg at the famed McCarren Park Pool.  We caught Coldplay in Hartford.  Fantastic show!  Grand Baton is another one of Theirry's bands and the Knitting Factory is a NYC institution for underground music.

You can't say we don't appreciate variety - Art Institute of Chicago, Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, and International Spy Museum in Washington D.C.

Alas, the one good thing about our Super Bowl weekend was the ESPN pre-party.  Ludacris - not bad.

Bill Clinton is an articulate and engaging speaker and it is no wonder he was elected president twice.  That man has a master personality, as well as, being one of the most intelligent people I've ever heard.  Clinton spoke about the inter-dependency of all of the countries, the energy situation, health care, Aids, and poverty at home and abroad.

Upma for the Indian Mother's Soul

A popular breakfast dish all over India, Upma flaunts its versatility by also serving as a hearty snack, savory side dish, quick lunch, or light dinner.  I love breakfast that can be eaten for dinner!  Originally from South India (my son is half Telugu), this dish, pronounced "oohp-maa," varies across the regions on vegetables and flavors.  My mom did not prepare Upma when I was young, perhaps because we were such carnivores in our house.  My mom started cooking it in the last few years, though.  My sister-in-law's all-vegetarian family makes it regularly and so do my Southie in-laws.  Now, it's a staple in our household because of the straightforward recipe and healthy ingredients.  Much like Sheero, Upma has become a comfort food that reminds me of when my mom was helping me after my son was born.   It has become another cherished family recipe.

My version of Upma is a lunch dish that is soft, fluffy, and rich and made of roasted rava mixed with onions, vegetables, spices, and cashews.  Choose vegetables according to your taste.  In my lazy mommy version, I add the frozen mixed vegetable packages found in the grocery store to simplify the cleaning/cutting/dicing step.  In contrast, my husband's family eats it plain and with a smoother, more liquid consistency.

Upma Recipe

Ingredients :

• 1 cup Rava or Sooji from the Indian store --substitute cream of wheat from supermarket
• 3 tbsp cooking oil, i.e. canola oil
• 2 tbsp butter
• 2 - 3 cup hot water (pre-heated in microwave)
• 1 tsp cumin seeds
• 1/2 tsp mustard seeds
• 1 or 2 medium onions, chopped
• vegetable mix - peas, carrots, green beans, corn 
• pinch of turmeric powder
• 3/4 medium chopped green chilies
• 1/2 tsp crushed ginger paste
  
• 1-2 tbsp yogurt (optional)
• salt to taste
  
• 1/2 cup chopped cashews (for protein)
• fresh chopped cilantro or coriander to garnish
• lemon juice to taste

Preparation :

1. Heat  oil and butter in a pan over medium flame. 
2. When oil is slightly hot, add cumin and mustard seeds.  Add onions when the seeds begin to pop and fry until onions become translucent and soft.
3. Lightly roast rava about 10-15 minutes until it just begins to turn pink.  Stir constantly to prevent lumps.
4. Stir in hot water and salt.  Then, add mixed vegetables that have already been cooked for 5 minutes in the microwave.  Bring to boil.
5. Add turmeric powder, ginger paste, and green chillies.
6. Stir in yogurt according to your taste.
7. The upma is done when all the water is absorbed by the rava.
8. Garnish with cashews, chopped cilantro leaves, and lemon juice.  Turn off stove and close lid.
9. Serve hot.