Raising A Giver, a lesson from my father

I have a special affinity for the Disabled Veterans Association.  Although I respect veterans, this is not the organization my friends might associate with me.  I have my father to thank for this attachment.

When I was seven or eight years old, my father sent in a donation to the DVA on my behalf.  He continued to give small donations to them here and there over several years and always under my name.  I did not know anything about the association nor did I give it much thought.  I did, however, love the address labels with my name that the organization sent me and even the cheap mix of greeting cards that sometimes came in the place of address labels.  I was eight and I just enjoyed receiving mail of any kind.

I don't know why my dad did this.  Perhaps he thought it was a worthwhile charity.  Perhaps he got a "please donate" mailing from them and thought it would be cute to send it in my name.  Perhaps it was to include in his list of charities for tax purposes.  Perhaps he did not put any thought into it.

I don't believe that it was his purpose to teach me a lesson about giving, but that was the unintentional result.  That simple act of sending a few dollars to a randomly chosen charity has made me a giver.  Not only did I become a giver, but also, I gained a passion for giving that stays with me today.  No matter what my salary has been, I have always given a portion of it to various charities.

Over the years I've given to the National Parks Assoc, a women's collective in the state of Gujarat, a girls' school in Andhra Pradesh, the New York Public Library, Operation Santa Claus, Nothing But Net, Doctors Without Borders, March of Dimes, One campaign, Salvation Army, Feed Project, the Girl Scouts (umm, cookies), my alma maters (does that count?), and the many races/marathons/iron mans that my friends have run for charity.  When that didn't seem satisfying enough, I devoted my time.  I was a mentor to an 8 year old, I volunteered at a domestic abuse helpline, I ran various races, I painted playgrounds, I helped out with the NY marathon, I reigned in rude high school kids at Derek Jeter's kids charity (long, hot story!).  Wow, I didn't realize how difficult it would be to recall everything.  My dad deserves all the credit.

As a parent, I struggle with how to pass onto my son the correct morals and beliefs.  How do you teach someone to be a good person?  Whenever it seems overwhelming, I think back to the simple lessons from my father.  I didn't get my beliefs from a lesson plan.  I got them from a role model.

Teaching Kids to Tell the Truth

Studies have shown that the story "George Washington and the Cherry Tree" is far more effective at teaching kids to tell the truth than "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" (Bronson and Merryman, NurtureShock).  Here is the story to tell your kids.

The Cherry Tree

By: Mason Locke Weems

When George Washington was about six years old, he was made the wealthy master of a hatchet of which, like most little boys, he was extremely fond. He went about chopping everything that came his way.

One day, as he wandered about the garden amusing himself by hacking his mother's pea- sticks, he found a beautiful, young English cherry tree, of which his father was most proud. He tried the edge of his hatchet on the trunk of the tree and barked it so that it died.

Some time after this, his father discovered what had happened to his favorite tree. He came into the house in great anger, and demanded to know who the mischievous person was who had cut away the bark. Nobody could tell him anything about it.

Just then George, with his little hatchet, came into the room.

"George," said his father, "do you know who has killed my beautiful little cherry tree yonder in the garden? I would not have taken five guineas for it!"

This was a hard question to answer, and for a moment George was staggered by it, but quickly recovering himself he cried: --

"I cannot tell a lie, father, you know I cannot tell a lie! I did cut it with my little hatchet."

The anger died out of his father's face, and taking the boy tenderly in his arms, he said: --

"My son, that you should not be afraid to tell the truth is more to me than a thousand trees! yes, though they were blossomed with silver and had leaves of the purest gold!"

My Essentials for the Baby Registry

It's been a wonderful 4 and half months since my son entered this world. He is on the brink of crawling and has settled into a sleep/eat pattern although he's not sleeping through the night yet. It is a steep learning curve, but I've developed an instinct for my son's needs and wants and motherhood has become an adventure.

My b-school friend A., who is about to have a son herself, asked me to share my old registry list with her and asked what was useful and what was not so useful. Being an early bird type, I had created my registry about five months before my son was born using such guides as Baby Bargains and hundreds of online registry lists. I drove myself crazy reading at least 20 reviews of everything before deciding on brands and types. It is fun but overwhelming combing through the myriad products and gear that are available for babies today.

The baby industry is similar to the wedding industry, so don't believe the must have checklists out there. Knowing what I know now, many of my items were unnecessary. Below are the ones that have been the most essential for the first four months.

• Diapers, baby wipes and vaseline - It's hard to know beforehand what diapers will work for you as babies are particular. For newborn, I used Pampers Swaddlers because they were sensitive to the umbilical cord area, but now, I prefer eco-friendly diapers with less dyes and chemicals. Seventh Generation didn't fit that well but are 100% natural, so I continue to buy them. Huggies Pure & Natural fit well but aren't as natural as you'd think, but I consider them a good compromise. Seventh Generation baby wipes are chlorine and fragrance free and also thin, which I like. Vaseline is an awesome product overall! In fact, diaper rash cream is not necessary until you have a rash issue. The Baby Trend Diaper Champ was perhaps not needed but makes life easier.

• Diaper bag: Get yourself a chic diaper bag! You'll carry it everywhere and might as well look trendy. I had one from Kate Spade that didn't work well for me because it was hard to carry around the city. Then, I got a messenger bag from Skip Hop and a shoulder bag from Fleurville. Both very cute.
  
  
• Car seat, stroller, and Baby Bjorn: The Graco Snugride car seat is top rated and the SnugRider car seat frame stroller. This combo has been invaluable because as a city dweller, I take cabs to the Pediatrician or to activities and this stroller is light and simpler than my Bugaboo. That said, for navigating the sidewalks of New York City, the Bugaboo is fantastic - a smooth ride for baby. I bought mine gently used from craigslist.org. My son loves going outside in the Baby Bjorn because he can see more than when in the stroller.
  

• Nursing needs: For the nursing pillow, I got the Boppy at first, and then my b-school friend S. suggested the Breast Friend pillow, which I prefer because it is firmer and isn't always slipping. It is more of an effort to strap on this pillow, but is stays in place. The Boppy is good at night when I don't want to wake up to strap on the pillow. Both have their uses, so I'm glad I have both. Get a tube of Lansinoh lanolin for the soreness of the first few weeks of breastfeeding. Get a motorized breast pump - I used Ameda and got started early. I rented the hospital grade pump for the first month until I had a good supply of milk going. Also, have plenty of storage bags handy and start storing immediately.
  

• Bath time - I start the bath routine with an allover massage to stimulate digestion and growth. Use a plant based oil, such as sesame oil. The Eurobath is a good bathtub and I bought a floatie raft to fit inside, which has been even more useful for the early months when he's too small to sit up. California Baby Super Sensitive body wash and lotion are eco-friendly and free of fragrance.

• Sleep - SwaddleDesigns blankets are the best for serious swaddling. The Arm's Reach co-sleeper sits next to the bed and is good for the first few months of life, but you could also skip this and go straight to the crib. Two must have sleep related books - Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and The Happiest Baby on the Block. The Ikea crib is made of sustainable wood, highly rated on consumer reports, and cheap.

• Feeding - Dr Brown's BPA free bottles are safe and the Munchkin bottle brush set is great for cleaning them. We tried Enfamil formula a few times but have stuck to mostly breastmilk for the first four months (and hopefully six). We have a space saver high chair ready to go, as well as, sippy cups and straw cups and soft spoons. The Beaba Babycook is good for steaming/blending/reheating homemade food. The cookbook Feeding Baby: Everyday Recipes for Healthy Infants and Toddlers provides healthy recipes separated by appropriate age group and the cookbook The Baby Bistro Cookbook: Healthy, Delicious Cuisine for Babies, Toddlers, and You was recommended by my good friend J.
  
  
• Play - He doesn't play with many toys right now, but the Whoozit toy is his favorite. Graco Pack 'n' Play - he's in this every day either kicking his legs at the Whoozit or napping. He's learning to swing his arms more thanks to an activity mat.

• Other: Buy a rectal thermometer and grooming tools (hair and nails grow fast).

As for clothing and blankets, we took as many hospital outfits and hospital receiving blankets that we could. Stockpile whatever you can get from the hospital - formula, nasal aspirator, combs, pacifiers, outfits, blankets, crib pad.

No matter what you buy, you will be ready. You don't need the newest toy or most expensive stroller to give your baby your love and attention. Those are the essentials.