Your Mother's Maiden Name?

My name is my identity, my history. My dad picked my first name, my cultural tradition determined my middle name, and my family caste dictated my surname. I did not take my husband's name when we were married. Many men insist that their wives change their name, but I think it's my choice and my husband agrees. My son shares his middle name with me and his last name with his father and even without a shared last name, we are a united family.

In the 1850s, Lucy Stone from Massachusetts (my home state) was the first recorded American woman to keep her name. In 1921, the Lucy Stone League of New York (where I live now) promoted the preservation of women's names. This group was openly chided and most women, regardless of education or career levels, continued to change their names upon marriage. During the 1970s, more women decided against changing their names. Hillary Rodham did not change her name; however, this offended many Arkansas voters who thought she did not support her husband. When her husband re-ran for Governor in 1982, she referred to herself Mrs. Bill Clinton. During his presidential run, she was Hillary Rodham Clinton, which again rubbed people the wrong way. In her 2008 presidential race, she was simply Hillary.

In 2009, a minority of married couples do not share the same last name. Is there a reason why a woman should change her name but a man should not? Several of my female friends have kept their names and this practice is no longer considered a political issue, but rather a personal preference. I married just before my 34th birthday. My name is on two academic degrees and four filled passports. My name is recognized by my colleagues and peers in my industry. My name makes it easier for old friends to find me on Facebook or Google searches.

A potential upside of changing your name is that you will share a name with your children, but I pondered if that mattered when I found out I was pregnant. I feel no less bonded to my son when I give his name at the Pediatrician's office. It would be convenient because I wouldn't have to explain that we are married and he is my son even though we have different last names. Luckily, I do not feel the need to explain this to anyone.

There are people who will refer to me as Mrs. Husband'sLastName. Some traditionalists (and members of my husband's family :) just won't oblige. It doesn't bother me because sometimes I like it and maybe someday, I will change my name. Again, it's my choice.

How will my son choose to answer when banks ask for his mother's maiden name as his password? Do I have a maiden name if I never changed my name? What is my married name? Am I a Mrs.? There are no rules to guide us. He could explain that my maiden and married names are one in the same. He could state that I don't have a maiden name when he is feeling combative. Or he could just say "Patel" and be done with it. I hope he chooses well.